Another year wiser, for real this time
Oh hi again! Sorry about the week of silence… I felt like I was getting a little mechanical with the goals posts so I wanted to take a bit of a break and think about what I wanted out of this blog. Originally, I wanted this to be a way for me to have a sort of talk-therapy/journaling experience to share my mental, physical, and emotional health journey with the world. I wanted to have a prevailing theme of gratitude and discuss my connection with the Universe.
I wanted to encourage and inspire others through telling my experiences.
I don’t think I’ve strayed too terribly far from those intentions, but I think I began relying too heavily on the routine of listing off my weekly goals, and I wasn’t allowing myself to delve as deep into my emotions as I believe to be necessary. I plan to resume my deeper-than-surface posts again starting now!
It is officially my 32nd birthday (as of 5 minutes ago) and I’m so fucking excited about what this next year has in store! It has been exactly 4 months since I was admitted to the hospital for pulmonary embolisms and I’m expecting a call anytime today from UCSD to discuss a surgery date! I’m going to spend the beginning of my 32nd year on this planet in one of my favorite places in the world – Southern California – where I’m going to be getting my body put back into tip top working condition so I can resume full function of my heart and lungs and get back to doing the things I love, like outdoor activities, exercising, and doing things with friends!
One thing I’ve been pondering as surgery gets closer and starts feeling like an actual reality is what the fuck was I supposed to have taken away from this??? I mean, I know for a FACT that this experience was supposed to have slowed me down for a reason, but was I supposed to have learned a great lesson or make a huge life change to enact when I am back to full-function? Like, my gut is telling me that I’m not supposed to just go back to my normal life… I was going to the gym 5 days a week, working 8-5 Monday through Friday plus 5:30-11:30 Friday and random shifts every Saturday and Sunday, plus house sitting and trying to build a business with doTERRA.
One of the things I managed to do while being home all this time was get back into school and get a routine down for managing the workload. That would have been a total bitch to figure out if I were trying to do it on top of all my jobs. Also, I would have had a nearly impossible time trying to stop pet sitting through Rover, had I not been forced to deactivate my account because of physical limitations. So, basically, when I “get back to my life” all I’ll be going back to is my desk job and serving coffee on the weekends. Even so, I’ll be having to build back up to working the insane amount of hours – and I’ve been thinking that I don’t want to work quite that many hours anymore.
Perhaps having all this time at home and being forced to see what it would be like to live the self-employed lifestyle (minus a ton of major components, of course), and not have to punch a clock every day, and actually be able to spend time with my animals, and enjoy my surroundings… maybe that is what I was supposed to experience. Perhaps I am supposed to have felt the joy of spending hours on my laptop working while my cats made biscuits in my lap and RuPaul flamingo-napped on my shoulder.
Was this a reminder that I need to stay focused on my long-term goal of having my animal sanctuary/rescue? Was it a swift kick in the ass to get me back into school? Was it a warm, tight, loving embrace from the Universe to tell me that I’m supported and loved and completely provided for?
Fuck yes it was.
So, while I wait for surgery and blow out my birthday candles, I’ll keep pondering all the lessons that I’ll have learned along this arduous journey. I’ll be grateful and happy and humble. I’ll remember that I have beautiful, generous, lofty, totally attainable goals. And I’ll know that I don’t have to sacrifice a single one of my values in order to reach my goals.
Today, I am grateful to have been born.